So… what now?

I finished the dissertation revisions.

I finished with the summer class.

 

What do I do now?

My therapist thinks I should take some time off, but I don’t really know what that means. Or, maybe I do, but the thought makes me super anxious, because all I can think about are the things that I should be doing.

should be revising my job market materials. I should revise my research statement and my teaching philosophy. I should apply for the schools that have already posted jobs.

should be sending out manuscripts for publication. Those dissertation chapters aren’t going to transform into journal articles by themselves, and the review process takes months.

should be starting new research. One project done, onto the next, right? Gotta always have something in the pipeline. Publish or perish is real.

should be preparing for my fall classes. I’m going to be teaching two; one of which is a new prep. I should get started on the readings, the slides, and the assignments, so it’s not a crazy rush during the semester.

 

What do I want to do though?

I want to be left alone. I want to be left alone by my advisors telling me that I need publications, and the placement director telling me I’m already behind on the job market, and my boyfriend trying to make it all okay.

I want to be in a field that doesn’t leave me feeling guilty for not working all the time. I imagine a job that is truly 8 to 5. A job that doesn’t compel me to come to the office seven days a week. A job that doesn’t make me feel like a failure for not constantly working at full speed. Can academia be that job?

 

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